AWHB Stories: Britannian Pie Omake (not that adult)

NOTE: The following may not actually be adult content. Blogger lacks post-by-post jump cut headers and all that.

Intended for use following reading of Britannian Pie only (scroll further down).

[Part 1: PIZZA?]

Soldat J furrowed his brow in indignation. “A whole fic about Pizza and I wasn’t invited?”

[Part 2: Redundant Code]

Kallen struggled to regain awareness of her surroundings as she faded back into consciousness. Something had gone wrong during last night’s mission thanks to a shortage of Knightmare Frames on the Black Knights’ part, and the bland canvas walls of her current location were obvious proof she’d been captured. But by who? Britannian forces generally didn’t take rebel prisoners, and their holding facilities were generally…shinier, for lack of a better word.

The doorway in front of her seemed to produce an answer, in the form of a similarly catsuited female entering from what appeared to be a truck cab. “Hmmm…this one doesn’t match our usual dossiers on FOX Unit or Soviet troops. There DOES seem to be residual from a persuasive effect similar to Gene’s, though.”

“Well, of COURSE she doesn’t match up to any records we have,” an agitated, juvenile male voice replied from the front of the truck, “This is what happens when you steal a military vehicle and follow a bug-eyed train down tracks laid across TIME ITSELF.”

As Kallen tried to process their conversation, she started to get a closer look at her apparent captor. She looked almost like herself, except a couple years younger and with all of the red (both hair AND uniform) faded to pink.

“I’ll bet you’re as confused about what we were doing in Japan as we are. Long story short, we’re special ops from Europe who didn’t like the idea of no longer existing, and decided to high-tail it to South America. From there, we got thrown into the 1970s and got stuck in a war to destroy a VTOL-equipped nuclear delivery robot and its missile-mounted descendant.

“And then the thing that buzzed us into the Seventies appeared: a Japanese-style bullet train that apparently travels through time in a more orderly fashion. We decided to pursue it using this-“ the strange girl with an even stranger story gestured to show off the interior, “-Roy Campbell’s Befriend-O-Truck. Well, we don’t officially call it a Befriend-O-Truck, it just so happens that when we need to drag prisoners into here, they tend to get a LOT more cooperative than they were on the battlefield. That’s more or less MY story, tell me YOURS.”

“…I think you’re a walking acid trip and I’d like to get back to the business of liberating Japan from a world-spanning monarchy that may or may not be employing incomprehensible supernatural imagery, but definitely is using giant robots.”

“Sure, whatever, we’ll drop you off in a little bit, but first…” Kallen could hear the faint clicks of a zipper being undone. “…Welcome to the honorary ranks of the Next-Generation Digital Special Forces ‘FIREFOX’. I’m Aelita Schaeffer, and I’ll be…inducting you this evening.”

[Part 3: Moarshadowing]

As Excellen cleaned up and departed the Lamperouge mansion, something hidden deep within the recesses of her mind began to stir.

>> DATA ON PSIONIC SUGGESTION SUCCESSFULLY ACQUIRED. CORRELATING WITH PREVIOUS DATA…DONE.

>> DATA ON CHEMICAL, PHYSICAL, AND PSIONIC SUGGESTION IS SUFFICIENT FOR PRELIMINARY REPORT. COMPILING…

>> PRELIMINARY REPORT: PERSUASIVE TECHNIQUES TESTED ON HIGH-FUNCTIONING LIFE-FORMS ACHIEVED NOMINAL OR BETTER RESULTS. PHYSICAL ABNORMALITIES RESULTING FROM PERSUASION TACTICS ARE EXCUSABLE, IF NOT BENEFICIAL TO OR EXPECTED OF THE PROCESS.

>> DATA ON USING SUGGESTIVE TECHNIQUES ON HIGH-FUNCTIONING MECHANICAL ENTITIES INSUFFICIENT FOR CUMULATIVE REPORT. SUGGEST INDUCING URGE IN HOST TO INCREASE INTERACTION WITH COMPATIBLE MECHANICAL BEINGS.

>> OVERALL PROJECT LOG: FAILURE OF EINST HOMOGENIZATION PROJECT “WORLD OF CALM” HAS BEEN LINKED TO INSISTENCE BY PROJECT OVERSEERS “NEUE REGISSEUR” AND “WARSCHEINLICHKEIT” ON FORCED INTEGRATION OF LIFE-FORMS INTO THE COLLECTIVE VIA RAW PSIONIC MEANS, ALONG WITH FAILURE TO ACCOUNT FOR UNCERTAINTIES IN THE BINARY REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE OF LOCAL HIGH-FUNCTIONING LIFE-FORM “HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS” AND RELATED SPECIES. CURRENT EINST HETEROGENOUS COLLECTIVE PROJECT “WORLD OF BLISS” SEEKS TO RESOLVE THESE ERRORS BY UTILIZING MULTIPLE NON-FORCED INTEGRATION TECHNIQUES IN A MATTER THAT EQUATES ACCEPTANCE INTO THE COLLECTIVE WITH MASS ACTIVATION OF ENDORPHINS. HOST UNIT “EXCELLEN BROWNING” IS AWARE OF THE EXISTENCE OF THE EINST, BUT NOT OF THIS PROJECT, YET IS LIKELY TO ACCELERATE ITS COMPLETION IF MADE AWARE AT THE PROPER TIME.

[END?]